Checked Baggage, raised fees and Greedy Mutherfuckers

Tuesday January 12, 2010

This article on CNN got me into a tiff this morning... Yeah nice job you fucking tools! Raise your rates yet again on checked bags... you greedy, non-business savvy fucking money whores!!!

Next time I fly, I'll be sure to bring a couple of bricks of gold bullion as my checked baggage. That's how bad it has gotten. These assholes keep passing the cost of shitty management to the public and our congressmen and senators allow this shit to happen without reforms.

The airline industry is heavily subsidized by the government (government, meaning your money and mine) yet these fucks continually poke the public for higher fees like some bum on a New York street. One huge shakedown after another... and they are allowed to do it. The only way to send a message to the nickel-humping cock-faces is to stop flying on their crappy terrorist laden metal tubes.

How to fight the high cost of travel and bag check fees:

At this point in the game, it is nearly cheaper to ship your bags to your destination and then smile at the counter slut when she asks you if you are checking baggage.
Alternately, arrive at your destination and wear the same clothes and never shower.... after a week you will be pretty rank....Get back on the plane for your return flight with your shit-eatin smile and watch everyone wretch from the stench of your sweaty, unwashed, sour nuts and baboon breath! after a year of this, those stuffy stewardesses with the attitude will start to complain and the regulations will change.

I'll make a prediction here:
At this point in the game the airline industry has now placed a fee on everything such as pillows, blankets, drinks, etc. The problem with greed has NOT been solved. Once you get in that tube and they lock that hatch, your ass is theirs - so that leaves only a few places to go.

It wont be long before you see fees in these areas:

• Breathable air: I mean shit, your paying for the gas, why not pay for the air in the tube also?
• Taking a shit: Remember those old bathroom stalls that took a dime to take a dump. With modern technology it won't be long before you will be putting a dollar bill in the slot to take a shit!!
• Taking a piss: (see above) that blue water must cost them something?
• Toilet paper vending: once your in there they have you . You 'll have two choices. Wipe your ass with your underwear/hand or buy 3 squares of TP for 25 cents.
  
• Seat Cushions: Fuck, your paying to fly, not to be comfortable.... This could net millions a year! If paratroopers can sit on a jump-seat so can you! The airlines will soon charge you for a seat-cushion trust me!
• You are already starving all they need to do now is turn off the drinks. By TSA rules you cannot bring liquids on board... LOL, Oh yeah...you thirsty bastards will pay a fortune just for a sip of water - GET READY TO SEE SPRING WATER/BOTTLED WATER NIPS!!! ( just like the tiny nip bottles you see at the package store) I actually believe the Airline industry pushed for this regulation for selfish reasons.
  
• Salt blocks/salt licks will be provided free of charge.
• Stretching Charges: if you get up to stretch, this could cost you 2 dollars. Fuck you, just sit there and shut the fuck up.

I could go on an on... but suffice to say, that at this point, they should replace the aircraft hatch with a bank-vault door. This is getting fucking ridiculous!!

In closing, I have some suggestions for the airline industry....Ways for them to make money that will not adversely effect their customers or public opinion. In fact, my suggestions will actual reverse any ill-will towards the airlines.
They are:

1. Chinese laundry: After all the baggage checks and terrorist hunting my suitcase looks like the inside of a salvation army bin. Solution: Provide inexpensive laundering and FOLDING service to your passengers to put their bags back in the condition they were when they left home you pricks!
2. We all know that most airline stewardesses are pretty hot pieces of ass. Solution: Lets get back to basics - starting pimping these broads. 5 bucks to have one of these bitches blow you and charge 20 or better to plunge-fuck em in the aisle. 50 bucks or better for the "Mile-High Experience" Plow your favorite stewardess in the bathroom doggie-style until you bust a nut - comes with a certificate of membership after the deed is done. Time for these bitches to start earning their money. It's a cinch they don't get by on their wonderful attitudes alone.
3. Full-bar. If your going to fuck me over, I don't want to feel the pain install and push alcoholic beverages above and beyond the limits of the law.. I mean shit, I'm not the one flying the plane.
4. WII Terrorist Hunt: Install WII systems in the aircraft and charge passengers to play WII terrorist hunt. This solution's pay-off is three-fold. It provides entertainment for passengers, revenue for the airlines and serves as a deterrent for would-be assholes hell bent on making a statement.

Suffice to say, it is out of control and it is incumbent upon the airlines to change the way they run their business and not continually charge the very people who have bailed them out time and again.
Fix your shit assholes!